Pause to Listen
In our very busy world, we have trouble pausing long enough to listen. To really focus on what someone is trying to tell us.
We keep browsing on the computer, phone, or tablet.
We start thinking about our response.
We go someplace else in our heads.
Yet, listening may be the single most powerful skill of effective communication for it is an act of respect and of valuing others. When you listen and seek to understand first, you also create more receptivity for others to hear you.
Listening helps create an environment of safety, where people are willing to take risks and new learning can occur. Complex challenges can only be resolved by those who feel they can share their thoughts and are continually learning.
What’s included in listening
Eye contact. When you make eye contact you are recognizing the humanity of the other person. You are saying without words, “I see you.” You are turning your whole attention to what the other has to say.
Pausing your thoughts. Changing the channel inside your head to really listening without thinking of your rebuttals or preparing for what to say next,
Opening your ears. Listening for emotional content as well as information. listening for meanings, and asking questions to clarify meaning.
Opening your mind. Don’t keep thinking about your “position” on the subject being talked about. Open your mind to look at things from the other’s person perspective. Be open to entertaining new ideas and viewpoints. And don’t assume you already know what the other is going to say.
Open your heart. Listen with kindness and compassion, and empathy. Embrace the words of the other person and let them settle in your heart. Listen to their passion, worries, values, and concerns. Show them love by really listening
The gift of a pause
Sometimes we think that to show we care we need to give an expensive gift. Taking the time to pause and really listen is the best way to recognize the value of the other person and our willingness to put other things aside and listen.
If you feel you will not be able to listen in the ways we have just described, it’s better to say something like: “I value you and what you have to say and want to be able to give you my full attention. Right now I can’t do that. Can we talk about this in. . . (an hour, tomorrow, whatever time soon when you can give attention to the other)
Your turn
This week practice taking a pause to listen deeply to those that are talking to you: your spouse, your children, your peers, your direct reports, your clients. . . . See what a difference it makes!
P.S.
If you are really struggling with taking a pause to listen, schedule a FREE call directly in MY CALENDAR to gain clarity about why you are struggling and how you can do better.