The need to know and the gift of not knowing
In times like the one we are living at right now, it’s easy to see how one of the most difficult issues people are dealing with is the unknown. . .
Not knowing if you could get sick.
Not knowing when things will be able to go back to “normal.”
Not knowing what is real and what is just fear-induced.
Not knowing if you will find what you want or need at the supermarket. . . you name it.
Seems like having to be the “knower” or always being right happens more often that we would like to think. It fact, in difficult times it’s easy to equate not knowing with fear about survival.
Unfortunately, as Brene Brown likes to remind us, needing to know everything is pretty miserable for the knowers and everyone around them. It leads to distrust, bad decisions, and unnecessary, unproductive conflict.
And here is the thing, not knowing is actually a gift. Not knowing is what awakens curiosity, learning, and innovation. It takes you from wanting to “be right” to wanting to “get it right.”
It might sound easy to replace the need to know with becoming a curious learner, but for many people the need to be a knower is driven the idea that the knower can save people in hard situations. Therefore it’s easy to buy into the belief that being a knower is the only value you can bring to relationships and work. That can be true in special times, but doesn’t apply to everyone or every situation.
What if you were to embrace the idea of not knowing as a gift? What could the gift of not knowing looks like for you at the current crisis? You could. . .
Find creative ways to connect. You could do a virtual zoom hang out for breakfast with friends. You can do any of your work meetings virtually. You can send old-fashion postcards for connecting with your clients or your family. You can pick up the phone and have longer than usual conversations. You get the idea.
Use time in different ways. Do some of that visioning you have been putting off. Take time to connect individually with more of your workforce. Use more time to just “chill” with your children, your wife, or your family. Organize those hidden places you have been meaning to organize for a long time and never have. Plan a trip to some of the national parks, including research, images, and ways to make it possible. Think about an innovative way to get things done in a different way.
Explore a hobby you have not taken the time to do. Whether a hobby you had at some time before, or exploring a new one you have been curious about having a bit more time (no commute!) can make it possible for you to do this.
Do something for personal improvement. Take the time to explore executive strategic coaching, or relationship coaching to improve your leadership or your relationship. Take an internet class, or be part of a mastermind group. Read some great books about a topic you want to know more about.
Do something for someone else. You can volunteer to help distribute food to those that can’t get out at all. Or you could volunteer to get a project at home done, that you would make your sweetheart happy. Or give extra free time to a worker that has small children and is struggling to work for home. Offer to help organize that upcoming retreat. Take a hot meal, or a treat, to overworked health workers.
Taking positive action helps leave fear behind and make peace with not knowing. These are just a few ideas to jump start your creativity. Embrace the upside of this unwelcome crisis and you might discover how special the gift of non knowing is.